#suffering from depression

[lazyrunawayphantom]

god I'm craving sugar so badly but having plain tea really helped, I'm reminded how quick i was to grab a sugary drink, especially last night, i couldn't sleep because of it, I had a weird dream... was lowkey going webmd silly last night too and probably suffering from candida a fungal infection and its symptoms are similar to other things like pre-diabetes and such, the brain fog, low energy, white bubbly coating on tongue, craving sugar, its scary...

[bob-mirum]

hooray im alive maybe

[tea-cat-arts]

Shen Yuan getting transported into pidw isn't "the system punishing him for being a lazy internet hater," but instead representative of "step 1 of the creative process: getting so mad at something you decide to go write your own fucking book" in this essay I will

[atlas-and-the-time]

The greater grief

[saturdaysky]

a little morning pick-me-up

-

A morning on the way to Baldur's Gate. The party booked themselves into an inn and enjoyed real beds, hot baths, and privacy for the first time since the Nautiloid.

Gale and Mayhew shared a room, of course. They were filled with the relief of surviving the shadows and the glow of finally getting together, so their private room was probably a blessing for the whole party, honestly.

-

This was some ascended anatomy practice! Referenced some great stock from @null-entity.

[jay72664]

Just one little walk

TW: Dazai is depressed coded.

“Not doing anything won’t make you feel any better.”

Dazai didn’t reply.

It was easier to lie in bed.

Easier to let the voices win.

Chuuya lets out a sigh, sitting on the edge of the bed.

“Come on, darling, we can go do something. Some fresh air will do you good.”

Chuuya was expecting Dazai to not say anything.

“Go away.”

He was wrong.

“I’m not going to leave you here to wallow in your own self pity. Like it or not I’m worried about you and want to help.” There was desperation in his voice, a desperate need to help the man he loved.

“I don’t need your help.” Dazai snaps, not rolling over to look at him.

“No, you don’t want my help, but you desperately need it.” Chuuya’s tone is sharp, but his fingers moving to thread through Dazai’s hair are gentle.

Dazai finally turns to face him, looking exhausted, his eyes void of any real emotions.

Chuuya’s heart broke.

“What if I just want to stay here?” Dazai asks quietly.

Chuuya let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding in. “It’s not healthy, Osamu, let’s just go on a walk, it doesn’t have to be long.”

Dazai closes his eyes. “And we can come back and cuddle?” He asks quietly.

Chuuya nods. “I promise.”

Dazai sits up. “I guess we can then.”

Chuuya presses a kiss to his forehead. “I love you.” He whispers into the skin there.

Chuuya’s lips press against his forehead.

Dazai finally opens his eyes again when he pulls away.

“I love you too.”

[mellosdrawings]

OOOOOO CAN I ASK HOW WOULD THE N2 SQUAD REACT TO EACH OF THEM DYING?

What have you unleashed?

(WARNING: Angst, allusions to death, all that fun stuff. Nothing graphic tho, don't worry)

Jamil

He shouldn’t be surprised.

Well… He isn't surprised. Jamil Viper doesn't get nice things. Not for more than a few months, anyway.

Every once in a while, life takes pity on him and throws some nice, agreeable news his way. Just enough so that he lets his guard down. Just enough so that he allows himself to think maybe things will get better. Just enough so that he can pretend he isn't chained to a fate he will never escape.

A letter to NRC, a plan that goes a little too well, a couple of upperclassmen who seem to genuinely love him for who he is and not who he pretends to be.

So of course it doesn't last. Life gives and life takes.

Kalim follows, Octavinelle gets involved, Leona and Vil-

Well…

He isn't surprised.

Jamil Viper doesn't get nice things.

Vil

They look at him like they expect something from him. Horror, anger, ugly tears maybe. Just a reaction. Anything. Anything at all.

Vil doesn't give them that. Doesn't give them an opportunity to pity him. Doesn't give them food for gossip. Doesn't give them any material to make this topic last for any longer than it has to.

He knows how it works. Someone snaps a pic of him at his lowest, someone records his voice breaking during an interview, someone catches his lips tremble for but a second, and everybody will start talking about it again. And again. And again. For as long as there is a reaction from him. For as long as the topic attracts views.

Suffering brings more views than success.

So Vil doesn't react. Doesn't say a thing. Doesn't acknowledge the topic.

Better to be a cold asshole for a few weeks than to hear about it for years.

And in the darkness of his own room, where there is no camera, no eyes, and no ears to witness his grief-

Vil cries himself to sleep.

Leona

It’s just sand.

Only sand.

For miles and miles, further than the eye can see, nothing but sand.

Ruggie had the clever foresight to send all of Savanaclaw packing when Leona got the news. They would be sand too otherwise.

Who cares.

Who fucking cares.

He could turn the whole world to sand and it wouldn't be enough.

He might as well turn his own heart into sand.

It would hurt less.

[kittenfangirl20]

I am guessing that we are just going to ignore the fact that Stolas is suffering from depression here. This way of thinking is disgustingly ableist to think that because Stolas who has been suffering from depression which was made worse because he hasn’t had his medication in a month is purposefully being ungrateful towards Blitzø in Sinsmas. I have also never seen people criticize Angel Dust for not paying attention to Valentino by ignoring his texts, it seems like the haters are making things up to make the fans look bad.

[babyb1ues]

Xavier has like, 0 family. Like he has 0 family wow. Ever think about that. His family is like, dead. And most of the earth friends he made are too, or will be too. And the backtrackers left as well. He only has Jeremiah if u think about it. And not even consistently since they broke up for a handful of years. And he doesn’t even blame anyone for it, for leaving I mean. He’s just been doing this whole thing on his own for a while now. Huh. Sounds kinda lonely if u ask me. How do u even begin to cope

[steelycunt]

you know those books about like unhinged crazy feral women like that (gags) ‘female rage’ genre of contemporary fiction. so has anyone ever read one of those books which was actually good

[skinnypaleangryperson]

This show is so good at small little details to reveal what's going on in the characters headspace eventually. The way that he was so obviously in that blank stare and space feeling god knows what fighting a silent battle of what is probably profound suffering if you love deeply, which obviously Rick does, and then instantly bumbled up and made a little quirky joke and then smiled and went back to having that mellow but distant tired look on face, which we've seen him do plenty of times before-it just goes to show that it's all just a performance, and that he probably has been feeling this way the majority of the time.

I know that we already know that Rick is miserable, obviously, for a multitude of reasons, but this just really said in stone the extremely and deeply deeply depressed in pain that he's carrying around with him all the time.

[itsclydebitches]

"[Fitzjames'] public demeanor, which was always an easy mix of self-effacing humor and firm command, remained the same, but in private with only Crozier in attendance, Fitzjames spoke less, smiled less frequently, and too often looked distracted and miserable. For a melancholy man like Crozier, the signs were obvious. At times it was like staring into a looking glass, except for the fact that the melancholy countenance staring back was a proper lisping English gentleman rather than an Irish nobody."

The Terror, Dan Simmons

[featherwhiskered]

you should actually never let me talk about chainshipping. did you know they only got to truly look at each other for ONE minute through tears and agony before they were worlds away all over again? forever this time? ...i fear i hear the flames and see the pitchforks wish me luck yall

[never-goingtopostanything]

dark flow

Okay so I recently rewatched @rey-0f-sunshine's video on Mihaly and started thinking about dark flow.

If dark flow is all the negative emotions and thoughts a person have, then what does that mean that anyone with depression, bipolar, anxiety literally any mental condition or even just having a bad day?

Like dark flow is clearly seen as evil, so is anyone with these issues treated like a bad person, if someone just saw a random person using dark flow would they assume that person is evil or just go eh? Do they report the person to law enforcement, how are they treated?

Continuing on from that surely not all Danceverses treat people controlling dark flow, I can see one Danceverse not caring at all then another calling for a witch-hunt for someone being seen manipulating dark flow and then one that actually tries to treat them for the mental issues they suffer from to help them live a better life.

Next point, dark flow is what formed Eternyx, are people from Eternyx more prone to having mental issues like depression, anxiety and so on, are the floworld and Melosia realms people less likely to suffer from these issues because of the connection to normal flow?

how do different Danceverses treat mental illnesses, if at all? Does Eternyx have a better system than Dancity because of how many people have these issues that live there or is it worse because of how many people are suffering? Does Dancity have a better system because of the lack of people suffering or is it worse because there is so little research on these issues and so little people in Dancity would have these issues?

The next and final point is how do people treat their friends that normally don't control dark flow when they start seeing them controlling the dark flow? Do they think their friend is turning evil, do they assume their friend is having a bad day, do people even know that negative emotions are mental issues can create dark flow or do they assume that they are evil and twisted despite knowing the person?

Am I thinking about this way too much, yes, but I don't care, I need to get this out of my head right now.

[euryleli]

I don't know why but I tend to like byler fics more when they're from mike's point of view (or better yet - a dual pov with mike AND will)

Still, if I had to choose one? Mike all the way and I don't even know why

[gloriousmonsters]

update from my mxtx renaissance is that I somehow never read the Shang Qinghua extra from SVSSS and i just finished it and